we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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