you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
