real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
accomplished twins. life is a go
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
