This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
