yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
