It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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