i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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