it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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