The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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