Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
