My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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