Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
