I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
No stitches, just platelets and will power
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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