mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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