ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
