I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
