My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
