I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
