I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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