I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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