bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
