At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
