yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
