I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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