Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
