i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
