well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
