I didn't shave. On purpose
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
