you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
