i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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