How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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