1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
