i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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