There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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