He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My vagina just clenched in fear
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
