Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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