I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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