He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
