I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
