I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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