Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
