There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
