you would pick up someone in the library
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
