Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
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she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize