I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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