Small penises have feelings too.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
