To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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