My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
