i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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