My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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