My nipple is on Facebook.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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