Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I CAN MOONWALK!
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
