You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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