I like to think it a success when the cops are called
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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