Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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