They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
