There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize