I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just high enough for therapy.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize