if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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