At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
